EAT THOSE QUESTIONS (WITH A SPOON)
IB: Roddie, why is it that
every Liverpudlian over 50 claims they were a
card-carrying member of the Cavern Club?
Roddie Gilliard: Probably because, if they were into music at the
time, they were – there were only a few places where you could hear live music.
By the way, I’m not 50 (just yet) and for at least a few years I too was a
member of that club.
IB: Ever had any close encounters with a
Beatle yourself?
RG: Paul comes into college a few times every
year.
Jimmy Carl Black: As you know, I
did the movie with Ringo Starr and it was a very
heartening experience for me – being a huge Beatles fan. I really enjoyed
spending the time I got with Ringo. He even gave me a
birthday celebration on
IB: Where were you on
RG: I was living in Everton, working for the
Council, had a clock radio to wake me up at 6.45 each morning – it was all over
the news – first thing I did was get up and put the kettle on, then I went to
my stereo and played ‘Happiness Is A Warm Gun’ very loud. I kid you not!
IB: Did you know the Nasal Retentive
Orchestra had covered ‘Drive My Car’?
RG: No, but they probably don’t know that we
intend to cover ‘Je T’Aime’
either.
IB: Aside from Macca,
who’s the greatest living Englishman?
RG: Probably too many to mention. But let’s
start with Tommy Cooper, Dixie Dean, Tony Hancock, Bill & Ben, Uncle Tom Cobbly and all. Oh and by the way, Macca
isn’t one of them.
IB: But at least he’s living.
RG: Well, Tommy Cooper, Dixie Dean, Tony
Hancock, and Bill & Ben will never die – at least in this boy's eyes.
IB: Okay. But this guys eyes saw Tommy Cooper
die on stage on Frank’s 40th birthday. He was the support act to the
Police in a tent on Tooting Bec Common at the time.
Did I feel guilty a few years later? No, not really…so, how many spoons do you
own?
JCB: Oh, about a thousand – not
counting the ones my wife, Moni, has.
RG: Far too many.
IB: You can never have too many.
Tilo Pirnbaum: I like all sorts of spoons, although I wouldn't dare
to say I like them as much as other members of the group. But really, I prefer
a good spoon in bed. (You can ask Jimmy for guidance on this one.)
IB: I don’t want to know! Who was Screamin’
Johnny Kilmarnock?
RG: A drummer we had for one tour. He liked a
drink, and would do fairly good impressions of drunken Scotsmen – even when he
was sober.
IB: You’ve performed with Jimmy, Ike, Don
& Bunk – and it looks like you might get something on with Napi. Any other Zappa alumni you’d like to play with?
RG: The GTOs, Sal
Marquez, Sugarcane Harris or Burt Ward.
IB: If the Muffin Men were the seven dwarfs,
who would you be?
JCB: Dopey.
TP: I'd be the two left, since I can never
make up my mind anyway.
IB: Roddie, who
would be who?
RG: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich, Tinga and Tucker.
IB: Alright. Boxers or briefs?
RG: Contact sports or letters?
JCB: Sexy briefs, including
ones that look like leopard skin.
TP: There may be a few people around Chester
who are able to recall that for me it's definitely briefs. Although that
happened quite a while ago.
IB: Cats or dogs?
RG: Goats, of course.
JCB: Both. However, I really
prefer cats; they’re much cleaner and don’t stink.
TP: Cats or dogs, that is not the question,
but Guinea Pigs is the answer. Longhaired, curly haired, whatever!
IB: Spielberg or Scorsese?
JCB: Spielberg and the guy that
did the Lord Of The Rings series. I don’t know his name but he’s
dynamite.
IB: That’d be Peter Jackson. What about you, Roddie?
RG: Hitchcock.
IB: Okay. Tilo,
Hitchcock or Kubrick?
TP: Hitchbrick or Kucock? I like excitement, but no violence. So, Kubrick? Hmm, I think I prefer Huxley. They should make a
film out of Brave New World (has it been done? I don't know), especially
considering what's going on now in terms of cloning. It's as disturbing as the
current administration of the US's plans for the New World Order. Enough of
that.
IB: Did Ian jump, or was he pushed?
RG: Depends what day, and what mood he’s in.
I see him most days.
IB: Are you all happily loved-up? If not, any
scurrilous short-term road relationship stories you’d care to divulge?
RG: Depends on the day of the week, the time,
the place, the town, the urge, the price – and anyway, there is ‘the code of
the road’, so you’ll never ever know!
IB: You started three years before Frank
died; you’ve been going for the subsequent ten – how much longer do you think
you’ll continue? And will Jimmy have retired by then?
RG: Jimmy has no plans to re-tyre – and we
will continue as long as we actually want to. There is no long-term plan – it
will end through no fault of our own!
IB: Given that I’ve interviewed Martin Lickert, can I play bass with you at Zappanale #14?
RG: Why not – we’ve had worse!
IB: Even though I play like Stuart Sutcliffe?
In the year of the ram, will you be playing the back seat of my car?
RG: Let’s get the year of the goat out of the
way first, please.
IB: Never mind that – let’s get the goat in
the back of my car. Tell me about the ‘Mülm
experience’?
RG: The ‘Mülm
experience’ is a long and complicated affair. At that time we had a very nice
German bloke who had set up his little record company and helped finance having
Ike tour with us. We recorded the album and mixed it accordingly. Reinard wanted to get an official stateside release of it;
for that, he needed permissions from “the house”. They asked to have a copy.
News came to me that, yes, we could release it there. But for some reason they
asked for two tracks to be removed. We couldn’t see why that was, until we
realised that those two tracks had small samples of JCB in them. As there was
some sort of “negotiations” going on between the house and some ex-musicians,
we figured it had something to do with that. So when I showed concern about the
editing/removal of the tracks, I was told don’t worry – it’ll be seamless. I
asked to hear a copy before it went to press. Never got to hear it until it
arrived, complete with ga new cover and glitches
where the tracks had been ‘butchered’ out.
IB: Jimmy, what has Inkanish Records
achieved in its first year of operation? And what do you hope it'll
achieve in the future?
JCB: We’ve released three
officially, and about ten unofficially. And I’m still broke – I guess I don’t
have any “commerical potential”. I will keep
releasing things that I think should be out there for real music lovers. I hope
to release my sons’ new CD, entitled Geronimo Black, when they finish
it; that should be in the summer. I still want to do a new solo CD with the
boys in the Muffins sometime this year as soon as I have the money together.
It’s really hard to do much when you don’t have the money available for the
project. Anyway, ONWARD AND UPWARD!!!!
IB: If a man can be two places at one time,
where would you be?
RG: Right here, right now. And somewhere much
nicer, much warmer, right there.
IB: How much beer and shoshidge
has the band consumed in its 13 years?
RG: A lot more beer than shoshidge.
A lot more noodles than wine. A lot more whining than dining. And the amount of
people who actually bother to get up for breakfast when on the continent has
dwindled to an all time low.
IB: Ever made an omelette without breaking
eggs?
RG: Of course, but it’s a bit like keeping
your clothes on when you shag.
IB: If art is long and life is short, how
tall is Paul Simon?
RG: Simple – Simon is an artist, and garf is his uncle.
IB: In 1993, Fred Tomsett
asked you whether you’d yet learned ‘T’Mershi Duween’. You replied “one day we might surprise you and
play a version of the hallowed song.” It now appears on the Cavern album
- did it really take you ten years to learn it? It took me less than 5 minutes
to programme it into my 3410.
RG: Nimble fingers on a PC keyboard don’t always
translate to the instrument of your choice. If you juxtaposed 5 persons PC
keyboard typed versions, I’m sure the results would sound something like the
Muffin Men in rehearsal – especially the last bit of the rehearsal where we all
swap instruments and lark about.
IB: Well, it sounds wonderful on the CD,
thanks largely to Tilo’s contribution. Ever thought
of tackling ‘The Black Page’, Tilo?
TP: Yes, I have – Roddie
gave me the music quite a while ago. So far I didn't practice it, because there
was no need to; we always had more than enough material to play (and other
things to rehearse). It would obviously take me some time to get it down…at the
moment I'm more interested in groove and feel of rhythms. I'm listening a lot
to music from West Africa and – thanks to the Sambachick
– to Brazilian music. But having said all that, I may just give it a go and see
what happens. It's a very beautiful melody, despite its rhythmic complexity.
IB: What’s the best thing you’ve heard in the
last 13 years?
RG: The sound of one particular young lady
urinating at a post gig party a few years back – but the recording will remain
in the vault.
IB: When I turned right to get into the
Worcester Park club car park to see you a few years back, I crashed into an
oncoming vehicle. When I went to see you at the Borderline, I got drunk and
lost my mobile phone. On the way home from seeing you in Biggin
Hill, my car got a flattie. In your 13th year, do you
think I should risk seeing you again?
RG: Take more care when in control of a
vehicle. Take more care when out of control on drink or drugs. Always carry a
spare pair of socks. Never label you underwear. Listen to more Sun Ra albums.
Shop at Netto - but don’t buy coffee and tea there.
Study at least two different eastern methods of relaxation. Never hit your
grandma with a shovel - it leaves a bad impression on her mind. Oh, and we’ll
see you when we’re down in that London.
IB: Everyone from Liverpool’s a comedian,
right? Tell us a joke.
RG: There was a Scotsman, an Irishman, and a
Welshman. And some bloke from down south...
IB: Jimmy, how’s your autobiography coming
along?
JCB: Talk to Rod. I know
nothing.
IB: Roddie, for
fuck’s sake – when’re you gonna finish Jimmy’s book?
RG: Oooh, you
bitch. Suffice to say, there have been some developments in the last months,
but graphic designers keep getting side tracked - too busy doing CD sleeves and
building model railways. Or growing science projects on their legs. Or
lecturing to semi-interested students who expect their world to rotate within a
miniscule cosmos known as the Twiglet Zone.
IB: Thank you. You’ve got a lucky face.
***
A fredited version of this interview is
unlikely to appear in a future edition of T’Mershi
Duween. Photo
of the Muffin Men at Zappanale #14 taken by The Idiot Bastard.