MASSAGIO GALORE

In an interview that appeared in the 16^th March 2003 edition of The Sunday Times Magazine, I read the following “Frank Zappa gave me my nickname…because he referred to me as the doctor. I burped during his sound check and he kept it on his The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life album.” Intrigued, I checked out the website of the shapely ‘masseuse to the stars’ who uttered these words and, bugger me, there’s pictures aplenty of her hero, Frank – and Dweezil, Ahmet, Bobby Martin, Mike Keneally, Scott Thunes, Ed Mann, Vinnie Colaiuta, Mr Sting…so I tracked her down, and we had a nice little chat. Now you can share a few moments with Dorothy “Dot” Stein, aka Dr Dot.

IB: I read that your forefathers were Swedish gypsy horse thieves that were chased to England. And that you have homes in New York…LA…Berlin. So where are you from?

DD: I’m a Mancunian…from Connecticut…just say the East Coast.

IB: And how come Frank recorded you burping?

DD: Well, after a few years going with various bands – at 17 I went on tour with the Grateful Dead, then I was invited on tour with the Rolling Stones – I decided to go to college in New Hampshire. I went to see Frank in Boston, and tried to be a normal person; didn’t try to meet the band. But as my girlfriend and me were leaving the show, Scott Thunes knocked on the car window. I thought, “I’m a fucking rock star magnet!” Anyway, he says, “Do you know where the Holiday Inn is? I was signing autographs too long and missed the tour bus.” So he got in our car, we went to a club, got some pizza and coke, had a burping contest…and Scott put our names on the guest list for every show! During the tour, we went to one of the band’s sound checks in Portland, Maine. I couldn’t believe it, there were only a couple of other fans there. The band was rehearsing ‘Bolero’ and suddenly I started burping. Frank stops them and says, “Who did that?” So I’m like, “Sorry Frank – it was me.” And he said, “Come up here, I want to make a sample.” I explained that I’ve got to have coke. So he says, “Somebody get her a Pepsi,” I said “No, it’s gotta be Diet Coke.” He says, “Get her a Diet Coke.” Eventually I managed three or four burps. He used them throughout the tour whenever he wanted to send up Jim and Tammy.

IB: Where can we hear these on the Best Band CD?

DD: My burps are best heard in A Few Moments With Brother A. West. Have a listen and hear my long ass burps!

IB: Were you massaging at this time?

DD: Yes, but I wasn’t professional back then – I didn’t have a table. I massaged the whole band – on chairs, on the floor, everywhere. But Frank wouldn’t take his shirt off – he couldn’t relax, he was a workaholic. I just massaged his hands. Ike wouldn’t take his shirt off, either. But Scott was a big massage fan. It sounds kind of surreal now, but at the time it didn’t seem that way.

IB: Were you a fan of Frank’s before then?

DD: Oh God, yes. My hippie father took me to see him before I could even talk. And I don’t know how many of my panties are in that quilt! I used to wear a ‘Titties N Beer’ T-Shirt to school. I was raised on Frank. My mum liked the Beatles, but my dad was really into Frank. Still is. His favourite album is the Guitar one, which is my least favourite. Let’s face it, that’s a guy album.

IB: Well, that’s the odd thing – not many girls like Frank at all.

DD: I know. That’s what was so great about it. His concerts were all guys, no women. And because they like Frank, they’re usually very funny. It was paradise for me. When I lived in Germany, I had all these Frank fans visiting me. They love his music, but they don’t really understand the lyrics. I had to translate them and try and explain what they meant. I was in Berlin the night Frank died, and got drunk on cider – I don’t usually drink – and ended up singing his songs all night. I came back to the US about a year ago, but I also still somehow live in Berlin; I still have a flat there, all for me. I go back every 4 months. But I’m in NYC to pursue a career, in music – no, not really, hee hee – I am aiming for TV, baby! Comedy. And you can bet yer British ass I will be preaching Frank every chance I get, like I have done in Germany for years. I know Project/Object – I massaged the drummer last time they played the BB King Club during intermission. I was surrounded by male Zappa fans and they were questioning my Zappa knowledge. I was busy blowing them off the map as far as lyric knowledge goes, and the drummer came up to me in the middle of all these guys and asked me to massage his hands right then and there. The guys stood there with their jaws open while I’m massaging Glen Leonard – who has carpal tunnel. He wants me to bring my table on 5^th April to the BB King Club here in NYC and massage him, and maybe Ike and the rest.

Here are a couple of photos from the Broadway The Hard Way tour. I was around 18 or 19 years old, and wearing the yellow apron Frank made me wear – when me and about 5 other Zappa fans danced on stage as the Long Island Dance Ensemble during Packard Goose. Wish I could find someone who videotaped that show in March 1988; I would love to see a video of me dancing on stage next to Frank – wearing orange hot mitts and a yellow apron! I have loads of trivial info about Frank. Yesterday I found the apron – which is signed by the whole 88 band, including Frank. And loads of photos from all of his sound checks. As soon as I find a scanner, I will put them up on my site.

IB: You say that you know the Muffin Men?

DD: Yeah, I met them in Berlin when they toured with Ike Willis. They blew everyone away, they were great. I’ve seen them with Jimmy Carl Black, but I preferred them with Ike.

IB: Tell me about your book.

DD: My book, Butt Naked And Backstage, came out in Germany in 1999. Bruce Willis, with whom I had a brief affair, threatened to sue me for publishing anything about him in the US. I wrote to Gail about it, telling her that I’d written lots of positive things about Frank, but she won’t respond to my emails. I don’t know why.

IB: She does seem a little overprotective.

DD: Maybe she wants Dweezil to run things, I don’t know – now, he’s a hotty!

IB: Indeed.

DD: Okay, tell Roddie Muff and the Muffin Men that I send my love.

IB: Will do. Thanks for your time.

***

It’s unlikely that this interview will appear in a future edition of T’Mershi Duween. Photo of The Idiot with Dr Dot taken backstage at Zappanale #18. Photos of Dweezil and Ike courtesy of Dr Dot.

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